Negative Self-Talk

Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Hearing your child say, “I hate myself”, “I am a bad kid”, or “No one likes me” can be heart breaking and alarming.

What your children say out loud gives you a window into what they are thinking. You know they are engaging in negative self-talk when you hear things like:

“I’m never going to get this!”

“This is too hard!”

“I can’t do it!”

Sometimes it’s not what they say, but you may notice self-defeating, subtle facial expressions or mumbles under their breath.

In therapy, we take this kind of negative self-talk very seriously because self-talk is a critical part of how children acquire beliefs about themselves. Negative self-talk has been linked to low self-esteem, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and poor academic achievement.

If you see Negative Self-Talk becoming a pattern in your house, help your child replace their negative thinking with positive self-talk.

In home strategies to decrease negative self talk:

▪       “In our home” … Family Rules about loving ourselves – Sit down as a family and commit to replacing “I can’t” with “I can!” Make a list of rules that you can post to remind everyone in your home (even visitors) that it is okay to make mistakes as long as you try!

1. It is okay to make mistakes.
2. It is good to express your feelings.
3. It is safe to share your opinions.
4. Rest and relaxation is encouraged.
5. It is okay to ask for help.
6. Find time to play and have fun.

▪       “Family Share Time” - Encourage all your family members to talk openly about their stressors. Try instituting  ‘talk time’ during dinner or during a specific time set aside in the evening before bedtime.

▪       Love yourself! - Treat yourself like a best friend. How you talk about yourself becomes a model that your children will perpetuate.

▪       Praise - Seek out opportunities to praise your son or daughter for achievements or good behavior. Find ways to praise your children when talking to others – especially if your child is in earshot, but not a part of your conversation.

▪       Get Sassy! - Encourage your child to be THE BOSS of their negative voice and TALK BACK to it! When your negative voice tells you “You’re not going to do well on this test.”… Don’t let it take your confidence away!!  Tell that voice, ‘I’m a good learner. I’m going to try my best. If I try my best, I’ll do okay.’”

If this becomes a chronic issue or if you see your child consistently beating themselves up, this may be a symptom to a larger issue and indicate that it is time to try new techniques or speak with a professional for further assistance. 

Another great article about self talk:

http://www.pricelessparenting.com/Documents/Controlling-Negative-Thoughts.aspx#.UMk6y443iaA