Anxiety can be a healthy reaction to some of life’s
stressors. However, for people experiencing excessive or chronic symptoms they
may be struggling with an anxiety disorder.
When children are experiencing overwhelming anxiety it is a whole body
experience. This is very real and can be
very scary for the person experiencing these symptoms. Catching the symptoms early provides time to
teach positive coping tools to better manage overwhelming feelings of anxiety
and worry. Some symptoms include:
Negative self-talk, difficulty expressing themselves,
unsettled, uncontrollable fears, feeling uneasy, stomach problems, restless,
excessive worry, difficulty concentrating, perfectionism, unforgiving of self
for making mistakes, difficulty acting spontaneously, unable to act at times,
etc.
What NOT to do: Tell your child to stop it or forget about it.
It seems natural for parents to try to make their children feel better by
telling them, “Don’t worry”, however this reaction can isolate your child and
make they feel they cannot share their feelings with you. If they could stop
feeling anxious, they would! Children who are frequently told to simply stop feeling
anxious can end up feeling defective and abnormal.
Ideas to try:
Listen, listen,
listen
Rather than responding with “don’t worry” ask your child what they are
feeling and listen. The feelings are the effect; listen until you hear the
cause. Be present with your child and
hear their perspective before you offer your own.
Set up a worry time
If your child worries about many things throughout the day,
set up a worry time. Set aside 15 minutes where they can talk about their worries.
They can also write their worries down on paper to share with parents,
grandparents or other adults who will
listen.
If your child starts to worry at another time, redirect your
child by saying “I am sorry you feel that way, let’s save that thought for our
worry time.” Then assist your child to engage in something else as means to
distract themselves by engaging in an activity they enjoy. This is a great way to teach them how to stop
their repetitive anxious thoughts in their tracks without dismissing their
feelings.
Create a worry box
Have your child imagine a box with a lock. Explain that this
is a worry box. If they start to worry, they can imagine opening the box,
putting the worry in the box, slamming the lid closed and locking the worry
there. Or you can create a REAL worry box and encourage your child to write the
worry on a piece of paper and put it in the box. This technique is especially
helpful at bedtime when worries get more intense and can keep your child awake
at night.
Put the worry outside of the child
It is helpful to separate your child from the worry. This
way you externalize the problem and are united in the fight against
anxiety. Have them picture the worry as
a creature or a thing. Encourage them to imagine the image and then draw a
picture. (Is it furry with claws, a dark cloud or just a blob?)
When worrying starts to take over, your child can picture
that creature and can do something about it by talking back and standing up to
it! Work with your child and write down things to say to best combat the worry
monster and prevent it from taking over such as, “I don’t believe you!”, “Get away!”
Do something else
Engaging in an alternative activity is key in keeping away
worries. Our bodies and minds are such that we cannot be relaxed and worried at
the same time. If they are playing with a toy or riding a bike, there is less
room for worry to bother the child.
Help them make a list of things to do. Remember, they
may not feel like going outside or playing, but help them understand that being
active will help prevent those feelings from taking over. As they begin to realize
that there are things they can do to help keep worries away, they will gain
confidence in their abilities to combat these emotions and once again be able
to play and do fun things without having these emotions take over. Here are
some ideas:
Take three deep
breaths Run up and down the stairs five times Draw a picture Read Play music
Sing a song Play a game Help a neighbor with yard work Take
a pet for a walk
These strategies take
practice and time. Give your child positive messages and tell them that you
believe in them. If you believe your child needs additional support, contact a
licensed counselor at IFC.
Reference: Huebner, D. (2006.) What to do when you worry too much: A
kid’s guide to overcoming anxiety. Magination press: Washington DC.
Other Anxiety Resources:
Wemberly Worried By Kevin Henkes: Child’s book about a mouse named Wemberly worried about
everything, especially about the first day of school
Who Feels Scared? By Sue Graves: Cheerful and reassuring story that shows that positive coping
skills can help kids deal with fear, and children can be brave even when things
seem scary.
When My Worries Get Too Big!: A
Relaxation Book for Children who Live with Anxiety by Kari Dunn Buron
