We have recently been getting lots of questions about
“cutting”.
What
is it? Self-Injury (also called self-harm) is an unhealthy way to cope
with uncomfortable emotions by deliberately harming one’s body and can take a
variety of forms, including cutting, hitting, or pinching. It is important to
understand that self-injury is not a suicide attempt. Although teenagers who
engage in self-injurious behaviors are more at risk and may have thoughts of
suicide, suicide attempts are different than self injury.
So, if not suicide, WHY do they do it? This is a frequent question we hear from
parents.
While we have found that each situation is unique and
self-injury behaviors surface for a variety of reasons, for the purposes of
this article we will attempt to over simplify this behavior and break it down
into a few predominant reasons for self-injury:
1) In some cases, a child who self-injures believes they
deserve to be punished because of something they have done, something they
haven't done, or simply because of whom they are. In our experience these
children are extremely hard on themselves and beat themselves up with their own
words far beyond their parents can fathom.
Clients who fit in this category typically struggle with anxiety on some
level and have perfectionist tendencies. These children struggle to define
realistic expectations for not only themselves, but others as well. It should
be noted that their expectations for themselves are far greater than that for
others. As a result of their unrealistic expectations they often feel as if
they are worthless or a failure. Self-injury seems to be their attempt to cope
with their feelings of shame and worthlessness resulting from their negative
thoughts. These children often overly personalize their experiences and the
world around them. For instance, when seeing someone else succeed they will
assume that accomplishment came easy to the other child and further beat
themselves up for struggling at a similar task.
2) Self-injurious behaviors can also be prevalent with
children who struggle with depression. These children often struggle to feel
anything other than sadness or numbness. As an attempt to feel something,
anything, they inflict pain. The pain is a new feeling and it also releases
endorphins that send a false 'positive' feeling or a feeling of relief to the
brain. Cutting can be a means to feel something and to cope with the
overwhelming negative feelings that dominate their thinking.
3) Because self-injury is often done impulsively, it
can also be the result of an impulse-control problem. When children struggle to
regulate their emotions such as frustration, they may impulsively injure
themselves in an attempt to cope with their overwhelming emotions because they
lack appropriate coping skills.
If, as a parent, you worry your child is struggling
with similar symptoms approach your child thoughtfully without intensifying the
shame they already feel. Also, please
don't over personalize the situation if they haven't come to you directly for
help. Often these feelings are so intense that they feel too ashamed or
worthless to reach out to the loved ones in their lives. As someone not
emotionally involved, a therapist can offer an outside perspective. In our practice we with work with the whole family
to assist in facilitating difficult conversations, such as conversations about
self-injury. Don’t try to deal with this alone; self-injurious behaviors are
serious behaviors that require professional help.
